Barbie Princess Syndrome

My dear littleathena,

I used to against Barbie Princess to interfere in my life,
I was anyway not so fond of Barbie when I was a child. I was more into books and papermakers, and dance, and i don't remember anything else -- as if part of my childhood being kept hidden somewhere for the reason that i would never seek.
Anyway, my being against Barbie is mainly for its gender stereotyping in female personification. And how racist one could be to number one the caucasian type and neglect the afroamerican not to mention the asian. However, there are the things that were just unavoidable, such as the way I consciously inject the girly thing in you and create a mindset of a good girl which behaves as princess.. I admitted, I am guilty as charged.
But then I see things, sometimes the things that are labelled by others as bad is not really as bad as it seen. Or what other said good, is not always good for you. You, evantually have to decide for yourself.
Despite of the fact that Barbie Princess is such a pretty toys -- that even a child could not resist, Barbie Pincess movies happen to share good stories through song and lyrics.
I found it quite inspiring. surpisingly. They talked about dreams, about love, about sharing, and friendship. They really dig insight of being a girl. the girl power.
The most amazing thing happen when we start playing the CD in the car.. for the last 3 days my littleathena put us to silent. then the next day, she sang. she sang in English which she never really learn before. (she was being taught in Indonesian cause it is the proper stimulation to make her talks at that time)
A.M.A.Z.I.N.G !

To any of you who'd like to know more about these Barbie inspiring songs, here are some of my littledarling's favorite :

BARBIE - Island Princess
Title : Always More

Everybody is born to care
It's something we were meant to share
Not to keep to ourselves all alone

If we make room for someone new
Doesn't mean that there's less for you
Only means that our circle has grown

Love knows, Love grows
Bigger than before
In your heart there's always more

It's magic the more you give it away
The more love comes back to you everyday
You are my Tike and I am your Ro
Always forever wherever we go...

So Love knows,
Love Grows,
Bigger than before...

In your heart, there's always more
Always more...

BARBIE - The Three Musketeers
Title: I'm Making My Way
Take a look around, Take a walk downtown
Wondering if what you have been telling me is true
That I've been living large
Should accept that it's too hard
Forget about your dreams girl,
No, you wait a minute
'Cause I've opened my eyes.

I'm making my way you see,
Throwing out the disbelief
I'm jumping in , Giving it everything
There's nothing left to prove
To anybody else but me
So go right ahead and call me crazy
'Cuz I'm making my way
You bet I am
Making my way...

Does it freak you out ?
I am fierce and proud
Doint it with style baby who's the fool now?
I've finally sifted through
The useless attitudes
Ain't nobody pushing me around, no
I know who I am...

This life is a maze sometimes, but at least this life is mine...

Well that's a bit.. will continue later on..

coping with changes..

Hey Baby,

one day when you grew up you will realize and start questioning why things changes.
and things changes so fast that you no longer realize that it is you who is now make a difference.
being difference is great.
people know you for something and that's good. instead, if you feel like the commoners, perhaps you need to make a stand and make your point.
never be afraid of revealing who you area and make the change.
When you never go down you will never turn up. when you dont feel sad, you would never know how it feels to be glad.
just be normal and don't be perfect.

There are times that I feel that I don't belong in everywhere -- just like one size smaller shoes. painful and hurts, and always think 'why does she gets that perfect one'
well bite this, as far as I know -- every living human being has their own problems.
so you can always cheer yourself from knowing that you are not alone :)
secondly, you always have options - to leave the room or stay, smile and just nodded.
you can try to adapt or you can choose to take a nap. remember the options area yours.
thirdly, you will never know who will be the good friend now or make the bad girls then. people changes even without you realizing how much changes you'd make within the last couple of years.

Look at the mirror and see who you really are.
ask yourself on what's the point of you're doing things.
sometimes.. your reason is much far noble than the saints themselves.
try it.

and remember one thing,
no matter how much you change - I will always love you and be there for you in heart.
no matter when, where, and for whatever reason why.

Confession of a Clumsy Mom !

I have to confess.
I'm not a good mom. I might not give my baby a good example of being a mom.
And even worst I hurt her at many times.
Accidentally. But I knew she's hurt. And yet she never failed to forgive me.
It's my failure for not being more careful in handling her.
I'm the bad one.

I used to be a freak mom. I hate most people who handle my baby like a sack of meat.
I have never treated my baby that way.
But the clumsy thing in me, sometimes end up hurting her.

Yesterday was one HUGE failure.
I tripped over my oversized pants while holding her, and at few seconds I know I will fall badly.
I have only 2 options : Let her go OR Keep her.
If I let her go then she would fall badly to the hard floor, which I can't imagine myself for doing that. She's my baby and not some laptop bag that I could just throw away to make my arms available for covering my face from the floor.
If I keep her, I have to use my elbow to hit the floor hence my hands could save her back & head against the floor. But I have to sacrifice getting her body underneath me -- otherwise, I end up bumping head first then body.

My elbow, that's the key. I take option 2. And her legs went under my belly.
My biggest fear was that for about few seconds I could sense her legs tightened up and she began to scream. I'm scared to death that something happened with her. I save her head I knew I did. I make sure my both elbow hit the ground firstly before my arms & hands.
But I couldnt save her legs.
I'm huge, if you notice that. And I couldnt forgive myself for letting anything happen to her.
She turns out fine and I check every bruises possibly happen. Nothing. I touch her leg and try to move up and down, she's stopped crying. I guess it was fine. But I'm still looking for scan when we're down to hospital.
I've been spending hard time in the car, just figuring out why cant I move my body upside down, hence the possibility of my body hitting the floor is more as option. I think of why shouldnt I throw my self to the side hence my shoulder and head be the option. I think of anything I wish to do. But the most is I wish not to fall. to be more carefull.
I didnt wearing any highheels so that you know -- but I guess that made the pants a lot longer than it used to be...

That's the worst thing that ever happen to me being a mom -- I wish my baby forgive me when she knows it oneday.

If there's anything that I could possibly do, I would spare my life for that.
I will try to be a better Mom for you Athena.. but some parts.. I'm sorry for being a reckless mom....

Little Athena's 1st year

Happy Birthday my little Athena,

May you grow healthily and happily ever after.
May you grow knowing the goodness of Athena, and bring goodness to others. There are lots of things in life that you will found enriches by sharing to others – like love & care, knowledge & experience, and happiness. You might found things cherish you and makes you grateful, but you might also learn things about disappointments & anger. If I were there to advice you, then I will say for you to deal with each any unpleasant thing, learn to be strong to stand on your feet or be brave enough to ask for help. Those things were the secrets of life – things that will eventually help your way to a better person – granting you wisdom of life.
And never forget that the best future one’s ever had is hope --- hence pray & make your efforts.
Don’t grow jealousy over others as nobody’s perfect; people born with problems for them to learn how to solve. At most, be yourself and take pride of the value you live in. You might not listen to me one day, but your heart & mind will tell you the truth. Be proud of yourself as I will always be proud of you.

Thank you my little Athena, you’ve made my remarkable life ever since you’re within me. It’s been a year of magical life.