Thena's First Latch to Breastfeeding..

I still clearly remember how assured I am about giving an exclusive breast-feeding to Thena. Working for IFFO business privileged me having a firsthand information on how irreplaceable breastmillk was. So, Yes I keep my faith on giving the best for my baby.
But there's no such thing as perfect. I have lost my faith eversince doctor decided that I have to undergo the sectio to save my baby's life then dragged me to the delivery room. I was so depressed that I never prepared my self for having a section delivery, and to imagine all the consuquences afterwards... I was emotionally down.
After Thena was born, I was amazed. And still insisted to have the first-latch on soon. Thena was a smart baby, her instinct was amazing, she knew how to latch. I told the nurse many times, insisted, that I want an exclusive breastfeeding for my baby.
The first day, all Thena did was spending the night with Manda. She's good at latching. But when dawn appears, she started to cry, and CRYYYYY.... and Manda panicked, and Manda Cried too...
And eyang start to yell at manda cause, she thought you're horribly thirsty, and insisted for you to get Formula milk. I couldn't say no..
We handed you to the nurse, and I couldn't stop crying...
Early in the morning, Manda heard you cry outside, been like ages..
I tried again to give you the most tasty nectar in the whole universe =)
Second day, survived.
Third Day, I started having nipple crack & sores. So I did a single breastmilk to Thena.. The next day, that breasmilk got cracked and sores. And I use the other one...
I thought I have given enough breast-massage during pregnancy, but it seems never been enough. And turned out that I have a short nipple which trouble Thena to latch, and end up in w arong position which cause cracked nipples.
How do I know I have a short nipple? Never in mylife that I compare my nipple to others' nipple.. i dont think anyone ever do that too.. so yes when the doctors said do your nipples pullin out, I said yes. I didn't know that it should be longer...
Enough saying that I depend to Medela every breastfeeding.. and I'h tried almost every brand of nipple shield. Have like 4 pairs of them....
Once I have cracked nipple, and went to the pediatrician, she encourage me to try breasfeeding without the shield, and it works! And it boosts my confidence, we all went to lactation consultation. I was happier than ever. They said that nipple shield is not good for long term usage as it may hold back your baby from directly feel your skin and smell it.. It restrain your baby from knowing you. But what can I do, I'm devastated without the shield and medela cream.
It's been going for a month..
another day.. the shield hurt the skin so much , so I decided to deal with it. Breastfeeding without nipple shield. And amazingly it worked. I didn't feel any pain even though it was cracked.
It was the best sensation a woman can get.

And it was the beginning of never stop breastfeeding whenever Thena wants..
Mamanda felt so guilty giving you IFFO, but I had too, cause you're loosing much weight at the first months. Panda encourage Manda not to be depressed and felt guilty in the other hand still getting the best milk from Manda everyday.
Breastmilk composition change day to day, that's why every single day Manda has to breastfeed Thena. It has more value for your lifetime.
A month before getting back to work, I tried to have the milk pumped. But it end up that when Thena's thirsty I have no more... so I decided to prioritize the fresh one for Thena.
When I started getting back to work.. I was devastated. Too busy to pump the breastmilk and been thru many overtimes... I decided to keep the best milk for you when I got home.
I might only do Night & weekend breastfeeding on demand... but I decided to give it till Thena decided not to. Yes, I enjoy breastfeeding as much as Thena, It's the best quality moment we had and I will breasfed her till she decided not to =)
Thena had made me the most happiest mother on earth...